Chapter 2: I Forgot It Was Our Wedding Night.
I tried to sleep with Ati, the little girl who is destined to become a villainess, but I was stopped.
Apparently, people don’t usually sleep together on the wedding night.
Huh.
My family was the epitome of “poor with many children,” so I always slept with my younger sisters. That’s why I didn’t understand why it was a problem.
Come on, kids’ body temperature is high, so it’s warm and helps you sleep well.
Well, most of the time, I’d get kicked awake by one of my sisters who was a bad sleeper.
Yesterday, there was a modest wedding for the Marquis household, as if it were being held in secret.
Since it was my first day, I was so busy that I didn’t know anything and ended up sleeping in the guest room.
“Selene,”
The Marquis softly called my name.
I had been summoned to his study.
It was a large room with a solid construction. Velvet curtains hung over the windows, and the flames of the gas lamps on the walls and the candlesticks on the desk flickered, creating large shadows of the Marquis and me.
The walls were lined with bookshelves that reached the ceiling. They were packed with books.
The number of books equals the amount of wealth. This room probably isn’t the only one with books.
Which means he’s unbelievably rich. Just selling one of these carefully gold-leafed books would be enough for my family to get through the winter easily, right? How can there be such a difference between nobles? Was my family weird? Is that it? What is it??
“Selene,”
Perhaps because I was distracted and didn’t respond, the Marquis called my name again, sounding impatient.
“Yes, what is it, Marquis-sama?”
That was certainly rude of me.
I looked straight at his face as he sat at the heavy wooden desk and gave a proper reply this time.
How old is he? I don’t think he’s that old, but it’s hard to tell with the beard. Late thirties or early forties?
The men in my family (father and grandfather) don’t have much male hormones, so they don’t grow beards at all. They don’t grow them because they look shabby even if they try to grow them out. Once, I asked them to grow out their beards because I really wanted to see them, but they only grew a little above the corners of their mouths and under their lips, and they just grew out scraggly without getting any thicker. It certainly looked shabby. They were hurt when I said that honestly. Sorry, Father, Grandpa.
The Marquis has black hair, so Ati, the angel, probably looks like her mother. What kind of goddess was she? Even when Ati was playing the villainess, she was a beautiful girl when she was quiet. I’m going to make her a perfect beauty this time. I’ve decided. I just decided. This decision will not be overturned──
“Selene. I did not marry you solely to bear children.”
The Marquis muttered, touching the beard on his mouth, while looking in the wrong direction for someone who had just called out.
“I see.”
More importantly, what kind of beautiful girl should I make Ati?
After all, her appearance is that of a perfect angel. The question is what kind of personality should I cultivate in her. Tsundere is good, but the pure and lovely type is also hard to resist. But the cheerful type is also good. It would be amazing if she could have such an angelic appearance and a genuine smile──
“Selene.”
I was surprised to hear the Marquis’s voice so close as I was thinking about Ati.
When I noticed and looked up, the Marquis was standing right in front of me.
He placed his hands on the back of the leather sofa I was sitting on, and brought his face closer as if to cover me.
“I am──”
“Ah, please wait.”
I slipped out of the Marquis’s arms and stood up.
He probably didn’t expect me to escape. The Marquis looked up at me with wide eyes.
I put some distance between us and asked my question.
“Why can’t I sleep with Ati? I want to sleep with her.”
I wanted to know the reason why I was told it was not allowed earlier.
I want to hug the angel and sleep. Like my sisters, I want to hug her tightly, rub her, and smell her scalp. That slightly sweaty smell. Nostalgic. Ah, maybe I’m a little lonely? Am I already homesick?
“That is──”
The Marquis sat down on the sofa I had vacated and fidgeted a little.
That’s when it clicked.
Ah, I see. I forgot. It’s our wedding night, today.
That’s right. I was so excited about Ati’s existence that I forgot I got married.
But still…
“I think you should stop that. Marquis-sama, you should know. I have a scar.”
I’ve been married once before.
But the “scar” I’m talking about now isn’t that kind of thing.
“I’ve heard about the physical scars. I also know that you were divorced because of them.”
The Marquis also stood up and turned his body straight towards me.
I couldn’t help but smile.
It’s not like I was happy.
“Marquis-sama, you don’t understand. The extent of my scars.”
Nobles don’t usually get divorced just because they have a few scars on their body.
“You should take a look. I don’t despise these scars.”
Saying that gently, I began to untie the strings of my dress.
I took off my corset, dropped it on the floor, and exposed everything.
I could tell that the Marquis gasped.
I knew it. The scars were different from what he had imagined.
“What do you think? Even with this, would you embrace this body?”
There are three distinct, distorted, and taut scars that run straight from around my chest to my lower abdomen.
Moreover, the shape of my right breast, where the scar begins, is distorted and much smaller than my left breast. Because the flesh was gouged out.
The lost flesh and skin were apparently sewn together by forcibly pulling the remaining parts.
Because there are many such places all over my body, my body does not have the smooth and beautiful lines that are unique to women. Everything is bumpy and distorted, like a patchwork doll.
I’m completely healed now, so it doesn’t hurt. But the appearance must be very painful.
No one who has seen this body has not been surprised.
It’s almost a miracle that there are no scars above my neck.
By the way, I have similar scars on my arms, legs, and back.
These are the scars left by a Bear.
It happened when I went back to my parents’ house to help with the hunting during the winter preparations.
I got separated from my family and unfortunately encountered a Bear.
I was beaten repeatedly, covered in scars, and had various bones broken, but I stabbed the Bear in the face with a Knife as it tried to bite my Womb as a final act of defiance.
Fortunately, the Bear ran away. It must have been a young Bear.
Thanks to that, I was saved.
But I was left with scars on my body that would never disappear.
When my previous husband saw those scars, he couldn’t bring himself to hold me.
That’s why we got divorced. I didn’t have any children either. I was grateful that he didn’t ask me to return the betrothal money from the marriage.
It was a political marriage, so I didn’t feel particularly bad or sad.
‘Not again.’
I was disappointed.
At the time, I didn’t realize that those feelings were from my previous life, but I understand now.
It’s because I lost another chance to have children.
I don’t necessarily have to give birth to a baby from my own crotch.
I just wanted children.
When I was at home, I was able to satisfy myself to some extent by taking care of my younger sisters and brothers, but I felt that there was something different between siblings and children.
I’m not ashamed of the scars themselves.
They are proof that I fought for my life and survived.
If possible, I want a child from a man who is not afraid of these scars.
But now I have Ati.
I might get divorced again.
At least, I want to shower her with as much love as possible while I’m here.
Silence filled the room.
Only the sound of the candle wick burning on the desk was unusually loud.
“I want to think about it for a while.”
The Marquis muttered and left the room, placing his jacket on my shoulders.
I picked up my clothes and put them on again. I left the corset off. I’ll change into a nightgown later anyway when I go to bed.
I carefully folded the Marquis’s jacket and placed it on the desk.
I guess I went a little too far.
But, well, this should mean that I won’t be told not to sleep with Ati.
I’m going to sleep with her every day from today! I’m going to smell her scalp!!
With a spring in my step, I left the Marquis’s study.