Episode 24: I Snapped.
…
…………
………………Huh?
What did you just say?
“Did you think I wouldn’t find out?”
The Marquis’s voice was cold. Pregnant with anger.
I slowly turned to face the Marquis, who was staring straight at me with a Noh mask expression.
“You’re not even going to make excuses?”
The Marquis slowly rose from his desk.
His hands hung limply at his sides, but his fists were clenched.
“Ah, I’m sorry. I was too surprised to speak.”
No, I was really shocked.
What’s with him suddenly saying that?
Playing with fire with Samuel? So, he thinks I’m cheating?
What makes him think that—ah.
Could it be that?
The times Samuel and I were consulting in my room!
Come to think of it, I’ve needed to negotiate a lot lately, so we’ve been consulting in my room each time.
I see, it reached the Marquis’s ears. Who was it! Who spread the weird rumor?! I’ll crush every bone in their body!!
However.
I see.
I see.
So that’s how it is.
I realized that, and I couldn’t hold back my laughter anymore.
But this isn’t a laughing matter!
I desperately tried to stifle my laughter.
But the more I tried to hold it in, the funnier it became. My shoulders! Were shaking!!
“…What’s so funny?”
The anger in the Marquis’s voice intensified.
I managed to suppress my laughter and opened my mouth.
“No, I just never thought that the Marquis-sama would ever be jealous…”
Ah, no good. Laughter leaked out as soon as I opened my mouth!
“Jealous?! That’s not it at all?!”
The Marquis raised his voice in agitation as I clutched my stomach and laughed.
Eh? It’s not jealousy?
“Then what is it?”
“Don’t you… understand your position?!”
“Position?”
When I tilted my head, a flush of red spread across the Marquis’s cheeks.
“You’re my wife, aren’t you!”
I was dumbfounded by his shout.
…Ah, so that’s what it is.
I got my hopes up for nothing.
Of course, I hadn’t forgotten, but hearing it from the Marquis’s (this guy’s) mouth again felt incredibly strange.
“Ah, yes, that’s right. Technically, my title is…”
I nodded for the time being.
“Technically?!”
“Yes, technically. But I’m not your wife, am I?”
When I retorted, the Marquis looked surprised.
He probably didn’t expect me to say that.
His face was filled with question marks.
“…No? You are my wife, aren’t you?”
Because I denied it so naturally, his voice sounded as if he’d lost some confidence.
So, I told him in the most exquisite voice.
“You said that I was just a womb to carry on Sergios’s bloodline, didn’t you?
Is that what you call a ‘wife’?
A ‘wife’ is a human being, right? A life partner.
But have you ever seen me as a human being? As a person with a will?”
I paused for a moment, took a breath, and continued.
“Confining me to the mansion, not giving me any information.
You’re just ‘keeping’ me here, aren’t you? Am I wrong?”
I was smiling.
The most exquisite smile.
Yes.
Because I’m angry.
The Marquis’s eyes darted around a little.
He seemed to be searching for words.
As if something had occurred to him, he looked at me again.
“I’ve given you a life of luxury, haven’t I?”
“Did I ask for that?”
I immediately brushed aside his excuse.
“Certainly. I’m very grateful for the delicious food and the warm, beautiful mansion you’ve provided. Thank you very much.
But—”
I lowered my voice.
“But that’s not something that can be exchanged for human dignity.”
I stated it clearly.
“If I could be myself, I wouldn’t mind sleeping in a stable.
It’s fine to suspect me of cheating. But the reason you’re angry is because I ‘acted on my own’ against your wishes, right? You didn’t like that I rejected you, did you?
You wanted a woman who was always horny in front of you, who you could do whenever you wanted, who would disappear when you didn’t need her, who would give you the children you wanted at a convenient time, and who was chaste and maternal in front of the children, right? No, that’s not even a woman.
It’s just a piece of meat in the shape of a woman with a womb.”
When I pointed that out, the Marquis gasped.
Bullseye, huh? You never learn from being hit with the truth, do you?
When I realized that, an even more intense anger welled up inside me.
“I have a will and a brain, you know. Stop looking down on me. Who do you think you are?”
I spat out those words at the end.
I was so disgusted with being here that I turned my back on the Marquis, who was standing there speechless, and decided to leave the study as quickly as possible.
But.
I have to say this much.
“Just to explain, Samuel-sama did the groundwork and negotiations that I couldn’t do. I don’t have the popularity, position, or authority to do it myself.
I was consulting in my room because I didn’t want Atty to overhear.
You only seem to think about doing it when you see me, but Samuel-sama put a lot of effort into Atty’s birthday party.”
I have to deny the affair properly.
I’d feel bad if the tutor (Samuel) was put in a bad position because of this.
After saying that, I left the study.
I didn’t look at his reaction.
Because I felt so disgusted.
However.
Honestly, I was a little disappointed.
I thought I was telling him to ‘treat your wife like a human being,’ but it didn’t get through to him.
My words didn’t resonate with him at all.
—No, I knew it.
Most men are like that if they’re born as men, raised as men, and live among men.
Because they’re like that from birth, they can’t change their values just by being told a few things. Especially men with power.
Probably, it will never change.
Unless they question those values themselves.
Even if I said it as clearly as I did just now, my true intentions wouldn’t get through.
They’ve probably never even naturally thought that ‘wives have wills.’
They’ll just think that I’m the weird one, and that’ll be the end of it.
I at least hope he doesn’t think that way about Atty, but is that even possible?
I dragged my heavy feet, exhausted, and returned to my room.
“You don’t have any energy. Did you eat something strange off the ground?”
That’s what Maggie, the Head Nanny, muttered when I went to Atty’s room to pick her up in the morning.
Ah, I didn’t sleep with Atty yesterday, so that’s why she feels that way?
I nuzzled Atty’s scalp, whom I had picked up as she jumped into my arms. Charging, charging. I can’t live without this smell anymore. I don’t want to live. I’m not worthy of living.
“Eat something off the ground?”
Atty looked up at me with a questioning face, mimicking Maggie’s words.
Oh, geez! You’re not even giving me time to be depressed! Of course this will cheer me up!!
“I didn’t eat anything off the ground. I’m not having trouble finding food right now!”
“…Would you if you were having trouble?”
Maggie muttered under her breath.
I would. If I was having trouble. I’d eat anything. As long as it wasn’t rotten. If it was rotten, it would upset my stomach.
“So. How did it go? With that matter?”
Maggie asked for confirmation without using any specific words. Her face looked a little worried.
Ah, that’s right. I told her I was going to get permission from the Marquis, so she’s worried that it didn’t go well because of my reaction.
“It’s okay. I got the OK.”
When I told her the result of yesterday, she visibly relaxed and looked very happy.
Yes, in fact, she’s helping me with Atty’s birthday party.
She was the one who asked the cooks to make the cake. It’s easier for Maggie to talk to the cooks. Also, Maggie knows Atty’s preferences better. It’s frustrating, though.
Also, she was very happy that we could throw a surprise party for Atty.
According to what I heard, past birthday parties were just a ritual where Atty ate a slightly more luxurious meal alone and opened the presents sent by the Marquis.
That’s no fun.
Maggie herself wanted to do something for Atty, but as a Nanny, she wasn’t allowed to do anything special.
Maggie will be accompanying us to the Andreu Estate this time as well.
This time, she can celebrate to her heart’s content.
She looked really happy.
…I can’t go, though.
Eh? I don’t care? I’m not jealous… or anything!!
“So, please take care of it for me, Maggie.”
“You don’t have to tell me.”
When I said that in a slightly sulky and defiant tone, she replied immediately. She was almost cutting me off. Really, I’m not getting any respect anymore. But that’s comforting.
“Please take care of it!”
This time, Atty mimicked my tone and smiled at Maggie.
Maggie’s face lit up.
Ah, as expected, the Head Nanny dotes on Atty.
I hope Ati continues to grow up without any strange distortions, cherishing her as she is.
Though, I can’t let my guard down just yet.
“Oh, that’s right. The clothes you asked for have arrived. I had them delivered to your room.”
“Really?! Yay!”
At Maggie’s words, I practically jumped for joy.
They finally arrived! My new cross-dressing clothes! Yes!
“Speaking of which, what are you going to do with that stuff?”
On the way to the dining hall with the two of them, Maggie looked at me with a strange expression.
Yeah, I guess she’s wondering what I’m going to do with men’s clothing.
It’s for cross-dressing! But I can’t say that. There’s no way I can say that.
“I had a use for it elsewhere. Thank you, Maggie.”
I glossed over the purpose and just thanked her for now. Please, no questions.
She seemed to have her own thoughts about it. Maggie made a subtle face, but she didn’t say anything.
I’m sorry, Maggie. You helped me, but I couldn’t tell you the truth.
If I did… she’d probably look at me with those eyes—just like my mom.
Well then.
The preliminary preparations are complete.
All that’s left is to wait for the day.
I focused my mind, thinking only of making sure everything goes well.