Starry Night ①
Late at night, before the decisive battle.
I woke up because it was time to change the watch and took over for Mineha-san.
The other person switched with Ms. Liv.
“…Ms. Pachira, was it?”
“So it’s you.”
We smiled at each other, then went outside and climbed onto a Puppet Box that had fallen on its side.
Looking up, countless stars twinkled.
The Red Moon. The Blue Moon. The Silver Moon shone brightly.
There was definitely a saying about the moon being the merciless queen of the night.
Also, the night sky somehow resembled the [Arms of the Cosmos].
“…They’re twinkling an unbelievable amount tonight, aren’t they?”
“It’s hard to believe this is the Dungeon’s Innermost Area.”
We watched the stars, side by side.
It was a quiet night. Even though we were on watch, there were no more puppets or monsters around here.
That was because Rell-san had hunted them all down.
“It’s a strange feeling. To think… that I would ever enjoy a starry sky with you.”
“You’re right. It really is strange.”
This was the first time in this life that I’d gazed at the stars alongside someone like this.
And here I was with Ms. Pachira, in the Innermost Area of a Dungeon, no less.
“Finally. It’s tomorrow, isn’t it?”
“Yes. It feels like it’s been both long and short.”
“I feel the same way.”
“Can we win?”
“No need to worry. Agaro and Megadia are strong. As is everyone else. Losing is pretty much impossible, I’d say.”
“That’s true.”
“However, something might be waiting for us. After all, our opponent is The Fool. A clown. A trickster.”
Ms. Pachira smiled mischievously.
It was true; he kept bringing out things like Monster Boxes and whatnot.
“Y-Yes. But, um, I was surprised.”
“About what?”
“About your Restriction Relic, Ms. Pachira.”
“Ah, that. It’s rather complicated.”
“Singing and dancing like that…”
“What about it?”
“It was incredibly cute.”
“Nyah?! It’s embarrassing, isn’t it? A flower maiden, having no choice but to show her legs…”
Even the tips of her drooping cat ears turned red.
And I remembered.
Ms. Pachira’s slender, bare legs peeking out from the deep slit in her skirt.
Almost visible, but not quite. Her skirt swaying intensely as she moved.
“You were beautiful.”
“Nyah?! You…! “
Ms. Pachira looked down, completely red. That gesture was also cute.
“We’ve been through a lot, haven’t we?”
“Indeed we have…”
We reflected sentimentally. I spoke up.
“Um, Ms. Pachira. Will you listen to me?”
“Hmm. What is it?”
“This time, I’ve experienced fun things, angry things, sad things. Frustrating things too. But more than that, I learned important things as well. Just as you said, Ms. Pachira, I was able to learn.”
“That’s good. Yes. That’s a good thing.”
“But Ms. Pachira. I’ve been defeated before.”
It was the first time I’d told anyone. I wanted to say it.
About myself.
“…I see.”
“Ever since then, somewhere deep down, I’ve thought of myself as useless. No. I think I’ve probably felt that way somewhere inside me for a long time.”
“…How about now?”
“I still think that way. Even knowing and learning important things, I feel like I can’t properly put them to use. I think I might just stay useless forever.”
If I wasn’t useless, I probably would have beaten Crown already.
I resolved to cherish my Relics.
But I didn’t know the cooldown for [Generous].
I didn’t even try to find out.
I should be able to apply [Vanish] more effectively too.
There are other things too— More than anything, the worst part, the absolute worst part is…
That I don’t try to tell anyone about myself.
Saying it’s because I can’t trust others, or because I don’t know what might happen.
That’s wrong.
I’m just making excuses.
The truth is, more than anything, more than anyone, I can’t trust myself.
Why am I so hopelessly, truly useless?
“I really am still defeated. Even the knives…”
Ah, I feel like crying.
“Knives?”
“The knives… Even the knives, so many of them already… Because I’m weak and can’t… use them well, can’t fight, that’s why the knives…”
Ah, the tears… Tears are spilling out, one after another.
“Even today, another knife… Why do I… so many knives… Why am I always, always… Why the knives…”
Why am I so useless? Why can’t I do it?
If only I were more capable.
If only I could have done better.
The knives wouldn’t have been wasted like that.
“Without losing so many knives… I… I… I… I… I… I… I!!!!”
“Wof. Calm down. What happened with the knives?”
Ms. Pachira spoke gently.
“I’ve already broken so many knives… destroyed them… I’m useless… utterly useless…”
“Knives… I see.”
“That’s why I can’t do anything, can’t become anything, I’m useless… hopelessly…”
Ah, ah, ah, it won’t stop anymore. All this time, I’ve always, always…
As I cried those tears, Ms. Pachira pulled me into her embrace.
“M-Ms. Pachira…?”
“Listen. Listen carefully. You. Do you remember? I told you I had something I wanted to ask you when we returned… Do you remember that, Wof?”
She asked calmly, still holding me to her chest.
“Y-Yes. I remember.”
It’s warm. And soft, so soft, with a sweet scent. Warm.
“We haven’t returned yet… but now seems like a good time.”
“U-Um, what did you want to ask?”
“It was you, wasn’t it?”
“…”
“That day. The day the earthquake hit the Dungeon. The one who saved us with an Elixir when we were about to be killed by the Chimera subspecies was you, Wof. It was you.”
Ms. Pachira’s words were level, quiet, and calm.
Before I knew it, she had slowly released me and was gazing at me, cupping my face with her hands.
“Yes. It was me.”
“I see. Just as I thought.”
“I’m sorry. For keeping quiet all this time.”
“Thank you.”
“…………Ms. Pachira…?”
“Thank you.”
“…”
I had stopped crying. And I felt calm.
Seeing Ms. Pachira up close. Her expression was…
“Wof. You are— To me, you’re not just the savior of my life, but also the benefactor who saved my heart. That’s why, even if you think you yourself are hopelessly useless, I don’t think that’s true at all. Hey. Okay? To me, Wof is a boy with a kind strength, who doesn’t hesitate to reach out to others, and though I don’t want you to, you’re someone who would throw away yourself… everything… for someone else’s sake. That kind of boy. That kind of man.”
Not serious, not earnest, not desperate, not angry, not complex, not confused, not about to cry.
“I’m… not like that…”
Ms. Pachira gently placed a finger on my lips.
“Don’t say it. You are my pride, Wof.”
Ms. Pachira smiled, a soft, faint smile.
It was the same smile I saw back then, when Ms. Pachira was heading off to subjugate the anomaly, the last smile I saw from her.
Her finger slowly left my lips.
“…………U-Um.”
“What is it, Wof?”
“…The stars are beautiful, aren’t they…………”
I thought.
“Mm. Yes, they are.”
Ah, just like this.
Quietly.
Forever.