Episode 33: Because It’s Our First Time
Having become Yuuto Kamijou’s girlfriend, Ayano Ichinose had visited his room countless times.
It had become as familiar as her own room, but this time, Ayano hesitated at the threshold.
“…Maybe, should we just have hotcakes?”
Yuuto chuckled at her reaction, and Ayano snapped to attention.
“It’s okay. I’ve been doing image training without fail.”
“For what?”
“For what, you ask? Well, that’s…”
Her face flushed red enough to start a fire at his clueless question, Ayano rushed into the room and sat on the bed.
“It’s decided that we’re doing that now, right!? I’ve liked you for years, so it’s not weird at all…!”
Yuuto chuckled softly at her desperate tone.
“You’re right. I feel the same way.”
Yuuto took out a box slightly larger than his palm from the desk drawer and sat next to Ayano.
Ayano’s throat tightened with nervousness as she saw what he was holding.
“That… th-that thing… are those things something students can buy normally…?”
“Yeah, surprisingly. It was a convenience store I don’t usually go to, but it was pretty normal. I was in plain clothes, and it’s not like it requires age verification like cigarettes or alcohol.”
“I feel like they should be stricter about that.”
“It’s a bit rich coming from me after buying it, but I thought so too. And if the cashier had been a woman, I would have bought a steamed bun.”
“I’m kind of glad I didn’t have to see you buying that…”
“Seriously, same here.”
Smiles escaped both of them.
The awkward tension eased a little.
“That box is open, though…”
“Well, I was kind of… practicing, you know? I can’t just jump right into it.”
“I-I see… that’s important.”
“Yeah, it is.”
Ayano imagined the scene and felt a little dizzy.
Yuuto cleared his throat awkwardly.
A short silence followed, and then Ayano fidgeted.
“Um… so, we’re putting it on, right?”
“No, that’s right before. First, how should I put it… you need to prepare properly too, Ayano.”
Ayano flinched.
“I-I’m fine…!? I know that much. I’m not a child…!”
She impulsively took off the oversized hoodie that he liked.
Next, she reached for her camisole but… gently let go.
“Is it okay if it’s just the jacket for now?”
“Yeah. Take your time.”
Yuuto, looking embarrassed at Ayano’s awkwardness, hesitantly offered his hand.
If she took this hand, she would become even more intimately connected with him.
She should be able to strongly feel that she loves him and is loved by him.
The word “fiancée” should feel more real.
She should cherish the time she spends with him even more.
Ayano Ichinose had wanted this to happen… or so it should have been.
—But.
(……Huh—?)
Why did she feel a little scared?
◇
Yuuto Kamijou gently grasped the hand of his girlfriend that he had offered.
Her hand was trembling.
“…”
Avoiding Yuuto’s gaze, who couldn’t do anything more, she said,
“I’m… totally fine, so.”
Yuuto’s heart ached at her words, which sounded like she was trying to convince herself.
—There’s no way she’s fine.
Anyone would feel hesitant and scared when doing something for the first time.
And most of the time, if you take the first step, things will somehow work out.
That first step is usually taken on impulse.
But not everything can be done on impulse, and there’s no reason to do so.
Especially not at this moment.
He shouldn’t let the atmosphere carry them away and gloss over her anxieties and fears.
If he asked her now, she would probably agree.
—But that’s not what they wanted.
He didn’t want to hurt her even a little bit anymore.
“I don’t really know either… so I’ll leave it up to Yuto.”
Yuuto chuckled at her expression, which was like that of a warrior heading to the battlefield.
“—Then, is it okay?”
He gently embraced Ayano, who nodded.
As if to warm her freezing, trembling body,
“Hug.”
He just hugged her.
His hands were gentle, simply enveloping her body.
“Eh… um—?”
“Huuug.”
“—Yuto?”
Finally releasing the bewildered Ayano, Yuuto put the hoodie she had taken off back on her and zipped it up. He even put the hood on her head.
She was turned into a ‘pitch-black てるてる坊主 (teru teru bozu)’, and she frowned.
“…Okay.”
“What is!?”
Ayano put her arms through the sleeves and took off the hood.
“I-It’s okay! It’s not that I don’t want to, but—!”
At Ayano’s frantic cry,
“But you’re a little scared, right?”
Yuuto gave a gentle, wry smile.
“…I-I’m not scared…”
“I’m a little… no, I’m actually pretty scared.”
Ayano’s eyes widened at his honest words.
“—Do boys also… feel pain when it’s their first time?”
“Well, I don’t know. I haven’t really heard those kinds of stories, but—that’s not what I meant, you know?”
Frowning at her rather serious question, he said shyly,
“I’m still scared. I’m really scared when I think about ‘what if I hurt Ayano’. I’m really, really scared.”
“――――”
With a blank look on her face, he gave a weak smile.
“What if I’m forcing Ayano? What if she’s just saying yes even though she doesn’t want to? What if it’s painful, or gross, or sad—or what if she starts to hate me…?”
Yuuto nodded as if convinced by his own words.
“That’s why—I’m scared. I know I invited you, but. First times are special, so I want Ayano to have ‘good memories’.”
He smiled like an embarrassed child.
“I’d like that too.”
Once again, Yuuto offered his hand to Ayano.
“We’re a couple, right?”
“Yeah.”
“You agreed to marry me, right?”
“Yeah.”
There was no longer any trembling in the small hand placed in his.
He looked genuinely happy at her nod.
“Then, that’s enough for now. We’ll be together for years, decades to come, so there’s plenty of time. So let’s take it slow.”
“—Yeah.”
The tension completely gone, the two smiled shyly and happily.
“Well, for now, I guess we’ll have to wait until graduation, like my mother said.”
“…Is it okay to make me wait that long?”
“Would you say yes if I said I didn’t want to?”
Ayano, who had been whispered to in her ear, turned bright red.
“…I’ll… answer as soon as possible.”
“Then, I’ll be waiting.”
Yuuto chuckled softly at her “Hyaa!” in response.
Then, scratching his cheek with his finger,
“So, well. It’s not exactly a good opportunity, but—I’d like to confirm something for the future. Currently—”
Yuuto hesitated a little, but as if he had made up his mind,
“How far is okay…?”
“…That’s so blunt.”
“We have determined that it is not appropriate to cover it up.”
“And?”
At Ayano’s chuckle,
“I think it’s different at school and at home… but for now, how about ‘holding hands’?”
“That’s okay, even at school.”
“Then, how about ‘hugging’?”
“Definitely not at school. But anytime when we’re alone…”
“Aaa-yano.”
Yuuto spread his arms wide, beckoning her.
“But not now.”
“Not now, huh? I see.”
Then,
“How about ‘body touch’?”
“…Do you want to touch me?”
“Is it wrong for me to want to touch you?”
“…Well—I guess not.”
Remembering the purpose of this conversation, Ayano also thought seriously while slightly flustered.
“For now, things like arm or leg massages are… okay. Anything more, that… lewd feeling, I think it’s still a little too early. Could you wait a little longer? It’s not that I don’t want to… it’s just that I’m a little scared… maybe.”
“Got it. I’ll try to refrain from making those kinds of requests.”
“Thank you for your trouble.”
“No, no, we’re in this together.”
They bowed their heads like a social formality.
“—By the way, Ayano-san, are your legs swollen?”
“I told you, not now. You just said you wouldn’t make any requests, didn’t you!?”
“No, no. It’s just a massage. No ulterior motives.”
“Then, I’ll put on my jersey, so can you do it then?”
“At least, can’t you wear shorts?”
“That’s totally an ulterior motive!”
Ayano elbowed him.
“You’re always thinking about lewd things.”
“Well, I’m still an adolescent… sorry about that.”
Seeing Yuuto rubbing his arm that had been hit, Ayano felt relieved while being dumbfounded.
Yuuto was deliberately teasing her but didn’t actually touch her.
And he was trying to clarify the distance between them for their future.
Ayano was convinced that he would never force her.
“—I’m really being cherished by you, aren’t I?”
“If that’s what you think, then I’m glad.”
Yuuto smiled softly.
“So, is there anything you want from me, Ayano? Anything you want me to do, or not do? It’s unfair if it’s just me.”
“I don’t really have any requests…”
“If you don’t say it now, it’ll be harder to say later, you know?”
Ayano pouted, her lips pursed at his teasing tone.
“You absolutely can’t cheat on me, okay?”
“Do you think I’d need to when I have such a wonderful fiancée?”
“…You really just say that stuff straight out, huh?”
“I do. So, anything else?”
Ayano thought for a moment, then,
“Anything else? …Like, ‘kissing’? …Or something?”
“Yeah. Should we refrain from that for a while?”
She felt a sense of kindness in his words, but also a sense of dissatisfaction.
“Ah—, or rather? Is it just me who thinks I want to be more proactive about it?”
Yuuto looked dumbfounded, and she hastily added,
“Because, you know, we still can’t really kiss properly, right? I end up getting too into it—? We need to climb the stairs to adulthood one step at a time… right?”
“…I guess you’re right. I want to do that too.”
Yuuto gave a gentle smile, prompting her to continue.
Ayano thought for a moment, then,
“And also—will you not pull away?”
“Yeah, I won’t.”
Still hesitant, she said,
“When we—when we hug? …Could I, just a little bit? Maybe smell you…?”
She said it while trying to brush it off with a laugh, and Yuuto replied,
“Okay, I understand. Then, I need to always be clean.”
“…It’s kind of awkward when you answer so seriously.”
Yuuto smiled gently at Ayano, whose face was turning red.
“But it’s a serious matter. Isn’t it normal to want to respond to someone you love?”
“Well, I do too… But don’t look at me so directly with such a kind face, my heart’s gonna stop for real.”
Yuuto felt an overwhelming affection for Ayano, who was clutching her chest.
“I really do—I love Ayano.”
“—! I… I think my heart really did stop for a moment just now.”
“…Looks like we still have a long way to go before we can become one.”
“I-in a lewd way?”
“In a ‘I love you’ way.”
His expression was serious.
“Ah—my heart is… r-racing…”
“Why!? Let’s take a deep breath for now, hee-hee-hoo.”
“It’s too early for me to become a mom!?”
“I’m already prepared to become a dad.”
“—What should I do… I’m starting to think I should make you a dad right now. Get naked and lie down for a bit.”
With a fixed gaze, Ayano pushed Yuuto onto the bed.
“…Eh? Ah, wait!? I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry!?”
“It’s okay, I’m not scary… I’m not scary, okay?”
“I’m really sorry. I’m scared!? No! Don’t be rough!?”
“Kyaa!” Yuuto cried out, hiding his chest like a maiden fearing violation, while Ayano, straddling him, burst out laughing.
“How delightful, how delightful~”
“Ah, Magistrate! The offense and defense have been reversed from just now!?”
Even though their bodies were pressed close together, he no longer felt scared.
Like when they were children, it was fun to touch each other.
He purely and overwhelmingly adored his lover.
“—…”
Ayano’s gaze fell upon the ‘item for lovers to love each other’ near the pillow, and she reached for it.
“This…”
“Hmm…? Oh, sorry.”
Yuuto took the box from her hand as if snatching it away, and frowned apologetically.
“No, it’s okay. Actually, I was thinking of talking about this today too. You know, how to put it on—you have that, right?”
“Ah… yeah. I didn’t know either, but apparently there’s even a way to open the package. The thing itself is thin, so it’s bad if it gets damaged even a little.”
“I see…”
Ayano sat up and sat on the bed again.
“Then, teach me? I want to know—I need to know now, for your sake.”
“—Okay.”
Yuuto also sat down next to Ayano.
Feeling a strange embarrassment, he took out one of the individual packages from the box.
Seeing her fiancé holding something like that made her heart leap.
“Waa… it feels… so, ecchi…”
“Don’t say ecchi. Well, it is ecchi, but still.”
Showing it to her as she leaned closer,
“When you open this, you push the contents to the side—”
“Yeah.”
He clumsily imitated a video and opened the package.
It was right after that.
“Hey, is Ayano-chan here? There are hotcakes downstairs, but what’s—”
The door to the room was opened by Kamijo Yuna-san.
In that instant, all three of them stopped thinking.
Among them, his older sister, with slightly more life experience, understood the situation a little faster.
‘My younger brother and his girlfriend are sitting on the bed, trying to take a rubbery condom out of its individual packaging.’
In other words—,
“Well, sorry for interrupting!!”
She concluded that that was the case.
Bang! She closed the door and hurried down the stairs.
“—Eh?”
“—Eh?”
The two left behind understood a few seconds later.
What his older sister understood was not wrong, but it was a misunderstanding.