A Tale of a Certain Young Elf
I was vaguely aware that my way of thinking was strange.
After all, even an idiot would know that the idea of elves being the supreme race, the race that received the sole favor of the Gods, wasn’t true. Yet, I had completely believed it to be a fact, thinking that other races were inferior to the elven race and could never measure up to us. Why did I think such a strange idea was the truth? That question had been surfacing in the rational part of my mind, but I never felt like expressing it outwardly.
I knew there was a shadow in my thinking.
Because it was abnormal to believe that the words of adult elves were absolutely correct and that even doubting them was a sin. Even while understanding this, I obediently followed the orders given by the elders like a docile slave, without any doubts. While feeling and harboring disgust and aversion, I believed those were bad emotions and switched to hatred for other races to forget them.
I knew I was hopeless.
Having lived believing only in Nature Worship and the teachings of adults, it was clear that I would become a hopeless being even if I grew up. If I went outside the forest, I wouldn’t be able to learn how to live there, and I would wither and die without being able to adapt. Still, I didn’t feel like changing my way of life, I didn’t feel like breaking free from their control, and I just kept letting time pass by.
Therefore, that time was, in a way, fortunate for me. For me, who understood my own distortion but couldn’t break free from it, being exiled with a painful aversion to returning to the way I was. The relationship with the adults, which had love but also several cold walls, was warm and I wanted to drown in it when it was brought about by a human adult younger than me. I thought that I wanted to abandon my existing way of life here, bury myself in this warmth, and die, so I decided to throw away everything from the past.
Until I sensed the malice implanted in my brain.
A malice different from the painful aversion, a crystallization of malice that had taken up residence in the center of my brain and could explode my head at any time, spreading to the surroundings. A curse of malice that could not be killed, which, if I died, would instantly corrode the surrounding area and transform it into a scene filled with unbearable horror. The desire of a filthy malice that mercilessly destroyed and painted over what I had sought, what I could not obtain as I was before.
I made up my mind the moment I understood.
I am an elf. Born in the forest and dying in the forest, I had tried to change my way of being for just a moment, but I am an elf, and because I am an elf, I decided to return to the forest. Embracing the seed of malice that had been implanted, crushing the painful aversion that continued to well up, rejecting the desire to cling to it, I return to my homeland. No matter what happens, I will die. If the scene that spreads after that death, whatever form it may take, is tainted with malice, then I will defile my death. I don’t need honor or pride. If it is to repay the warmth I received from those humans, if I can repay them without insulting them, then I will do what I must, even if it means being slandered.
I will kill the Great Tree.
I will kill the elven God.
I will kill the symbol of Nature Worship.
A terrible act that no one will understand.
But, that’s fine. It’s not an act I’m doing because someone ordered me to, it’s something I’m doing because I myself think I should, because I want to do it.
I will commit a sin.
With thanks and apologies.
With “Serves you right” and “Go to hell” spat out.
I will become a sinner.
Elves cannot save the world for the sake of someone like the wonderful heroes that are widespread among humans.
I cannot live brightly and positively into the future and live for someone who will inherit the next world.
But, I can at least repay the kindness I was given.
I will fulfill that, that’s all.
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“Little elf girl, are you getting used to it?”
“Yes, yes, that’s good. Slowly, slowly, unlike this old hag who doesn’t have much time left, you have a long future ahead of you.”
“Ah, little girl. Today’s pot-au-feu, let’s eat it while it’s warm.”
“I’m saved, thanks to you, my life and my luggage are safe. Oh, that’s right, take this as a reward.”
“No, this is my share. It’s food for my family, but I want to give it to you who saved my life and protected my family’s food.”
“Please accept it. You seem to be in a hurry, but please, so you don’t make me an ungrateful person.”
“Thank you again. I’m really grateful that you even sent me home.”
“Take this with you. I made you use up your weapon, so please take this and use it to your advantage.”
“Thank you, big sister.”
“Can I become like you, big sister?”
“Really!? Then, please come when that time comes!”
“It’s a promise! Look! Let’s do a pinky swear!!”
“Pinky swear, if you lie, the ogre will come, we pinky swore!”
“It’s a promise! I won’t forget!!”
“Hey, are you planning to die?”
“No, I can tell because I’ve seen many people with similar eyes. You’re planning to die.”
“I won’t stop you, there’s no way I can stop you. If you were planning to die because you were struggling with living, I would have stopped you, but you’re planning to die with a purpose, right?”
“Then I won’t stop you, but at least eat this. You can’t do what you need to do on an empty stomach. Eat up.”
“Is it good? Then come back alive, and I’ll let you eat as much as you want.”
“See you later. Be sure to come back alive, I’ll be waiting for you.”
“Haha, I’m just piling up lies.”
In the forest where neither the light of the sun nor the light of the moon reaches, the everyday life of just a few months passes through my mind. Watching it, I laugh self-deprecatingly, wipe away the liquid that is about to spill from the corner of my eye, and take the bow and arrow I was given and start running.
A familiar path in a familiar scene.
What’s different from those that make up the majority of my memories is that I am now running of my own will, heading towards a goal that I have decided on my own.
I won’t hesitate, and I can’t hesitate.
I don’t have the right to hesitate, and I don’t have the right to return alive. Yet, I’m telling lies about returning alive, and I’m making them believe it.
I’m so hopelessly stupid, but there are things that even such a fool can do, so I keep running to accomplish them.
“Little girl, you shouldn’t use this.”
―――The gates of the underworld are opened, and the hellfire dances beyond the gatekeeper.
“But, if you have to use it, put it in the arrow.”
―――Burn the living, until their lives and souls are reduced to ashes.
“That’s the only way you can survive and achieve your goal.”
―――The dark and vivid flames affirm and welcome death.
I fix my target in my sight, and while running, I hum.
For the sake of fulfilling the only thing I can do.
“When the time comes, don’t hesitate.”
―――Give punishment, pass judgment, make them atone for their sins.
“If you hesitate, nothing will go well.”
―――Burn, burn, burn, burn, burn.
“That’s why, I’ll spit it out. Everything inside you, all together.”
―――Because I, you, and all of you are evil, let’s all fall into hell together.
I shake off everything that gets in my way and capture the target in my clear vision.
I feel every part of my body burning and falling away as soot, and I nock a black burning arrow.
“Blaze of Gehenna――”
The target is not the giant insect clinging to it, nor the old man praying at its base with a condescending look, but the giant tree that pierces the sky, which has grown more than I remember, instead of decaying and rotting.
“――Become a single line of desire (so be it).”
I release the arrow, and my body explodes.
Self-satisfaction, an action taken only to obtain that. It’s a shame that I can’t see what happened to that one arrow, but I’m dying with a sense of satisfaction, having achieved the minimum goal of returning the implanted seed of malice to my homeland.
“If it could be killed with that, I would have killed it long ago.”
In my fading consciousness, I hear a voice and reply, “I see.”
In the end, I couldn’t accomplish anything, I was just satisfied with fulfilling my self-satisfaction and died.
But, it’s enough.
If I didn’t cause trouble for those people, then it’s more than enough.
Thank you for the warmth, everyone. I’m sorry I couldn’t keep my promise, everyone.
Serves you right, I was able to die for someone. I’ll be waiting ahead in the hell where all of you will fall, so struggle as much as you can before falling into hell.
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・My battle record is a few insects that came out to protect, and a dozen or so adult Elves.