Princess Who Wants to Die – Chapter 2

In short, the education had failed.

Princess Wendy welcomed the dispatched tutor with a bright smile, and that was all there was to it. During lessons, she never picked up a book, and in dance and etiquette classes, she merely sat there with a smile. The teachers tried their best to impart knowledge through words and practical exercises, but their efforts were in vain.

“Please, continue.”

The princess simply said this with a smile. When the tutor demonstrated how to hold cutlery and encouraged her to follow suit, she did not move her hands. When the tutor showed her the steps of a dance and urged her to join in, she did not move her feet.

“Please, continue.”

All the teachers could do was persist in their explanations, hoping to cram the necessary knowledge into her mind. Even though there was no sign of that knowledge taking root in her, they had no choice but to carry on.

For Prime Minister Rowan, it was easy to guess the turmoil within her heart at this point.

On a personal level, he understood. If she were his own daughter, just the thought of it would weigh heavily on his heart. No one should be allowed to live without love, let alone be treated as if they did not exist. To say she must receive an urgent education because she was to be married off was utterly selfish. He would have said he cared not for such matters.

However, as Prime Minister, he found himself in a troubling situation. The king checked on their progress every month, and by the third month, he personally reprimanded the princess. If it had been anyone else, they would have trembled and immediately set to work on the tasks assigned to them. But for Princess Wendy, such scolding was meaningless. Naturally, she was unaware of what it meant to be a king and indifferent to the consequences of defying him. While she was certainly provided with a far better standard of living than commoners, she likely had no understanding of their lives and thus felt no fear of losing it.

Above all, she knew. She was, at that moment, the kingdom’s greatest diplomatic asset.

Of course, she likely did not know the details or fully comprehend the implications. All she understood was that, despite having been neglected until now, there were plans to mold her into a lady and marry her off to another country. That was enough for her.

“I understand, Your Majesty.”

She replied to the king’s admonition, yet her actions did not change. She continued to smile, and that was all.


“My king… what shall we do?”

With only a month remaining, Rowan sought the final judgment. Over the past five months, his thoughts had shifted slightly. Perhaps Princess Wendy was not rejecting education out of anger. Rather, she might not be able to learn.

Upon reflection, she was like a three-year-old child. Who would demand that a three-year-old memorize letters, compose poetry, and learn to dance gracefully? It was unreasonable to make demands that were impossible to fulfill.

In the end, it seemed they would have to send Princess Dahlia instead. That was his thought. However, the king’s decision was beyond Rowan’s expectations.

“The decision stands. We will send Wendy.”

“But…! But, my king, I cannot believe she will serve as a bridge between our nations.”

Choosing his words carefully, he conveyed the concerns he had been pondering. It was impossible to say that the princess was beyond help. The king responded with a look of determination.

“Listen well. She was… she was frail. Thus, she was raised deep within the palace, cherished and protected. Due to her physical weakness, her education was neglected. However, in recent years, she has regained her health thanks to a special medicine. She is a precious jewel I have nurtured, and I will marry her off as a symbol of goodwill.”

For a moment, the Prime Minister and the advisors struggled to comprehend the meaning behind his words. But gradually, understanding dawned upon them.

This king, this father, was willing to take away Princess Wendy’s life.

He intended to erase the time she had lived and give her a false life, to rewrite her existence. Rowan felt a deep-seated fear. Not of the king’s coldness, but of the darkness within the human heart that allows one love for one daughter to overshadow indifference towards another.

And mingled with that fear was another, more troubling thought. Such actions could not be justified. Could a nation built upon trampling the life of a single princess truly walk a path toward a happy future?

“B-but, Aurila’s demand is for a capable princess,” he stammered.

“Capable in diplomacy, I presume. It does not mean she excels in language or manners. If Wendy can engage in diplomacy, that should suffice, correct?”

“…Will they be satisfied with that?”

“After all, it’s a demand from a small nation. They are being bold under the pretense of a coalition, but our national strength surpasses theirs. I doubt they would recklessly provoke us. If they protest, we can protest back. We can assert that the most beloved princess of Levaze has her worth.”

Rowan thought there was some merit to the king’s words. He too felt a sense of disbelief at the arrogant demands from a nation he had never even heard of, directed at the historically significant Levaze.

Thus, Rowan’s answer was already determined. There was no response to the king other than an affirmation.


Princess Wendy “awoke” when she was three years old. It happened just as her nurse was retiring and came to say her goodbyes.

“Be a good girl.”

The gentle nurse’s words triggered a splitting headache. The pain was so intense that she cried out, but the nurse, misunderstanding her cries as sorrow over their parting, said with a smile,

“I’m sorry, Your Highness, but I have my own child waiting for me.”

And with that, she left. Only Wendy and a maid remained, the latter standing quietly against the wall until Wendy stopped crying. It was only later that Wendy learned this was the maid’s duty. Unlike a lady-in-waiting, the maid was of commoner status and forbidden from touching the princess’s body without permission.

In any case, as Wendy writhed in pain, the headache suddenly ceased, and she was no longer the same Wendy. She recognized her name as “Sawatari Yukino.” She was aware of her identity as Wendy, but Wendy was merely a three-year-old child who had received no education, with little sense of self. She had hardly been spoken to, so she had not acquired language, and with no one to comfort her when she cried, even her feelings of sadness were vague. She had no knowledge of joy, nor did she know what it meant to be hungry.

Thus, her consciousness was almost entirely occupied by Yukino.

Sawatari Yukino was Japanese. She was born into an ordinary family and raised in a typical manner. With a mother who was a company employee and a father who was a teacher, she received a decent education and secured a position at a well-known foreign trading company, boasting a respectable academic background. After a few years, she transferred to the secretary’s office, where she took pride in her rapid accomplishments. She enjoyed her work, facing challenges but finding it fulfilling. Though she was somewhat distant from romance, being single at 29 did not seem like a significant issue. Her life was not without its ups and downs, but she remained optimistic that she would eventually marry.

Unfortunately, she died in an accident before that could happen.

Now, with that in mind, Yukino had memories of living in Japan for 29 years. Observing the furnishings of the room, the presence of the nurse, and the maid’s duties, she quickly realized that she was in an environment far beyond that of nobility. And with that realization came the understanding of how strange it was for her to be left alone like this.

At first, she thought that education would eventually begin, but when she turned five and heard nothing, she found herself tilting her head in confusion, having never met her father, mother, or siblings. However, the body of a young child was exhausting. And she was always sleepy. She could sleep anywhere at any time. The perception of time felt much shorter than that of an adult. Since she could not yet speak, she had no means to approach anyone.

By the time she was five, she could finally understand the conversations between the maids, learning that she was in the royal palace and that Wendy was a princess. This realization made it abundantly clear that something was fundamentally wrong. Being left alone like this was not normal. From then on, she began to eavesdrop on the maids’ conversations and sneak around the courtyard while exercising.

No one cared where Wendy was or what she was doing.

Gradually, as her status as a side consort’s child became clear, she began to recognize herself as a forgotten princess. At that point, Yukino faced two choices. One was to reveal her existence and demand to be treated properly as a princess. This was the reasonable course of action. However, Yukino chose the other path. She opted to remain forgotten.

Her basic needs were met. And she was free.
This was truly an exhilarating revelation.

Reflecting on my past life, I realized that there had never been a moment from the time I gained consciousness until my death when I wasn’t learning something. Yet now, I was granted an abundance of freedom. After all, this state of affairs was not Yukino’s fault, so there was no one to blame. Yukino, despite being a princess, had managed to enjoy a life filled with solitary moments.

That said, being uneducated was not an option. Perhaps due to the fading memories of this world, the recollections of my previous life were vivid, and I understood all too well how ignorance and lack of knowledge could shape a person’s fate.

Fortuitously, my biological mother, who had served as a concubine, had prepared a plethora of books for her newborn child. From picture books akin to those found in Japan, filled with illustrations and simple words, to children’s literature suitable for elementary school students, a wide array of learning materials was at my disposal. Using these, Yukino learned to read and grasped a certain level of common sense. It’s not a boast, but having memories of growing up in a nation that prioritized education, Yukino was an expert in learning. Well, most of that effort had turned out to be in vain, but still.

Of course, I only engaged with my studies when I felt motivated. When I didn’t want to, I simply didn’t. I spent my days lounging about.

But honestly, I was bored. There was nothing to do. Unfortunately, there were no toys to play with, nor were there any embroidery tools typically given to a lady, and there were no sports equipment either. Naturally, there were no games or entertaining books.

Sleep or study. In the end, I read every book in my room until they were worn thin.

When I turned fourteen, I stumbled upon a maid’s uniform while sneaking around the back garden at midnight. Nearby, I could hear hushed voices of a man and a woman, and I thought it wouldn’t matter if I took the maid’s outfit, as it was likely just a silly prank among the palace staff. I took it back with me. I had no idea what had happened to the maid afterward, but given my experiences in my previous life, where I had been made to work quite rigorously, I could only think it was her own doing.

Fortunately, at around the age of fourteen, commoners were already working, so there was no sense of incongruity when Yukino donned the uniform and wandered outside during the day. Moreover, those who could venture this deep into the palace were all individuals of solid background, so there was no need to question their identity.

From that point on, Yukino wore the maid’s outfit and casually stepped outside her room during the day. She admired the paintings that filled her collection, touched the sculptures, and reveled in the art of this country. She eavesdropped on conversations, absorbing the thoughts and common sense of the people around her. She discovered the library and acquired dictionaries and history books.

And finally, she understood the reason for her current treatment.

She was the princess born in the narrow gap between Princess Dahlia, who had been doted upon until the age of five, and Prince Lawrence, the fourth prince, who was the most desired child of the Queen Consort. Wendy was the only forgotten child among the ten royal offspring.

When I realized this, an indescribable emptiness washed over me. Yukino possessed her own memories, yet she was also Wendy. The Wendy who had been so small, up until the age of three, lived in a world wrapped in a transparent membrane. There was no one there. All she received was milk, and all that enveloped her was swaddling. A child neither loved nor hated.

What would have become of Wendy if Yukino had not awakened? Would she have spent her days in silence, unable to read, unaware of joy or sorrow, merely passing through empty time? Could she even be called a person? Could she truly be considered human?

All the people in this castle had effectively killed Wendy as a human being.

Yet, despite this, they demanded that this pitiful girl marry into a foreign land. It was amusing, really. They had no idea what they had truly done. To marry off something that was no longer human to a foreign nation with whom they had a tense relationship was a clear sign of their lack of awareness. Even if they were unaware that Wendy had become something other than human, it still spoke to their ignorance. How amusing.

However, Yukino decided to give them a chance. She would demonstrate that the education they forced upon her yielded no results. She feigned a constant, vacant smile, repeating the same words, pretending to be a child who couldn’t even practice what she had been taught. In reality, she listened with keen interest to knowledge she had never read in books, observing manners and dance movements she had only known in theory but had never seen in practice. There were times she would review alone in her room. Yet to the outside world, she must have appeared as a princess uninterested in learning.

Did they really intend to send such a daughter to a foreign land? Perhaps they should reconsider for their own sake?

With that sentiment, she continued to respond with a vague demeanor.

The teachers never shouted, but their growing irritation became increasingly evident. The chancellor came to persuade her, and eventually, her father, the king, came to lecture her. She responded the same way to all of them.

As the chancellor’s face began to show signs of concern, a different visitor arrived for the first time. It was a gentle-looking woman in her twenties, elegantly dressed, who introduced herself as Dahlia.

“I am your sister.”

She spoke to Yukino and then, without warning, struck her cheek with the fan she held. Yukino was taken aback. Such sudden violence from a woman with a kind face.

“Get it together, you. It doesn’t matter where you are; you must marry properly. Isn’t that right? If it’s not you, then it will be me.”

How impressive.

Yukino was struck by how Dahlia, despite being a child of the same concubine, looked down on Wendy so casually. It must have been due to their father’s favoritism. That affection had likely been entirely transferred to the Queen Consort’s child, yet if Dahlia had been loved until the age of five, that was still something to be grateful for.

Moreover, while it was said that the affection was entirely transferred, perhaps it was not so simple. After all, it was the king who decided to marry Wendy off instead of the more suitable Dahlia. It was hard to believe that decision was made without love. And Dahlia was aware of this.

The disparity in their father’s affection had made her so arrogant.

“I understand, dear sister.”

When Yukino said this, Dahlia left with a satisfied expression.

Of course, Yukino had no intention of complying, and she continued to gently refuse her education. Dahlia began to visit more frequently, each time growing more anxious as she struck Yukino repeatedly.

As the time until the marriage drew closer, just over a month away, there was an incident during a manners lesson when the king and Dahlia crossed paths. Upon seeing Yukino still smiling vacantly, Dahlia broke into tears. She clung to her father and pleaded.

“Please, Father, don’t send me away! I didn’t learn languages and diplomacy for this! Everything… everything was for this country and for you, yet…!”

“Dahlia, do not cry.”

“I can’t possibly believe I will be welcomed warmly…! I certainly witnessed the rude behavior of the envoys. How can I become a happy bride in a country that looks down on us like that? Oh, I will surely be imprisoned and live my life as a hostage. No… nooooo!”

The parent and child embraced and wept, while Yukino silently observed. How remarkable, she thought. How could they so casually let Wendy hear that this was not a happy marriage? This was proof that both of them considered Wendy to be anything but a normal child. They believed she wouldn’t understand no matter what they said.

Yet Yukino would not forget. She would engrave in her heart just how much they disregarded Wendy’s existence, treating her as less than human, believing that it was acceptable for her to suffer misfortune in the future.

Shortly after, it was officially decided by the king that Wendy would marry into the Aurila Province. They had squandered the opportunity they had been given.

Thus, Yukino resolved to bring this country to its knees.