Princess Who Wants to Die – Chapter 4

“Just as the rumors say, the Cursed Princess is indeed real…”

With the words of the Second Prince, Yukino realized her suspicions had been correct. This room, which seemed far too ordinary for hosting a foreign princess, was not merely a result of her being a hostage; it was also because they already knew of someone named Wendy.

The Cursed Princess. The Cursed Child. Whether as a princess or not, she was hardly a card that could be used in negotiations between kingdoms, and yet the reasons for her being sent here were all lies. She knew they were lies. The tale of a sickly princess raised with utmost care was nothing but a fabrication. It was likely that a spy had infiltrated from Aurila.

However, he did not know the truth. He probably thought she had been discarded as useless due to her lack of intelligence. Yukino was no fool. But he was right about one thing: the more truths there were, the better they could conceal the small lies. Yukino was not cursed at all. She simply harbored an unrelenting hatred for her homeland.

“The Cursed Princess? Are you talking about me?”

Tilting her head, she watched as he let out a heavy sigh. He seemed ready to leave, but Yukino hurriedly called out to him.

“Um, excuse me, could I go to the Back Garden for about thirty minutes a day, please?”
“…For what purpose?”
“Exercise.”
“What did you say?”
“Exercise. My nurse told me to. She said I should get some sun and exercise every day.”

His face contorted in disbelief. It was indeed a problem that a sixteen-year-old was still adhering to advice given at the age of three.

“Look, the Back Garden is close by, and I don’t think it would be too much trouble.”
“…Fine. You can have a guard accompany you for thirty minutes starting at eleven in the morning.”
“Understood! Oh, and one more thing.”
“What is it?”

As he already had his hand on the doorknob, she asked earnestly.

“What was your name again?”

He ignored her, but the former maid turned current lady-in-waiting, Olive, informed her that his name was Cyril Griffin Meru. It seemed the entire delegation was aware of it. They had kept it from Yukino, thinking she wouldn’t remember anyway. How foolish.

In any case, Yukino was granted permission for thirty minutes of exercise in the morning. Starting the next day, a knight would arrive on time to escort her, returning her precisely thirty minutes later.

The Back Garden of this castle was larger than that of her homeland. Once, she had walked in circles around the same spot, but now she could move in a square pattern. Flowers were planted, and there was even a pond. She would watch the fish leap from the water’s surface, enjoying their playful antics. Occasionally, the Chancellor, Walker, would come to check on her, but he would say nothing of importance, merely exchanging smiles before leaving.

“The Chancellor himself is keeping watch… How leisurely of him.”

She understood the situation, but it was still dull. Back in her homeland, she could roam around in a maid’s outfit, but here, that was out of the question. The children’s books she had brought were ones she had read countless times and memorized, and she knew almost nothing else about this world. So, she found herself singing Japanese songs in her head or reminiscing about Japanese dramas and anime, and before she knew it, three months had passed.

It had been a while since Cyril, the Second Prince, had visited.

“I requested a bride exchange with the Kingdom of Levaze.”
“Oh my.”

That was interesting. The potential husband who had not shown his face for three months had apparently become completely unrelated during that time.

“An exchange? You mean me and Princess Dahlia?”
“That’s right. The response was a firm no.”
“Well, well, how very interesting.”

If she hadn’t been hiding her grin behind her fan, she would have surely been caught smirking. It seemed the reports from the returning delegation had not resonated with the king’s heart.

The King of Levaze, even if he was her father, was someone she hardly knew. Yukino had wandered around her room in a maid’s outfit, but that room itself was akin to a detached palace. While it was within the Royal Palace, it was situated far from the central area where the Queen and the King resided, in a wing where the concubines were gathered. The knights and ladies-in-waiting were expected to possess nobility and grace, but most had little political involvement. Thus, the gossip she overheard was mostly about the concubines and children, leaving her in the dark about how the kingdom was governed or its relations with other nations.

She believed the Kingdom of Levaze was powerful. After all, it had a long history, wealth accumulated over time, and political know-how. Its relations with neighboring countries were also favorable.

However, that also meant they were vulnerable to unexpected situations. It was difficult to predict what would happen if they underestimated a rising nation that could shift power through military force.

Still, other nations with their eyes on the situation would have firmly established their positions and would be prepared to act. Some would aim to never fall under another’s influence, seeking advantageous negotiations or strengthening their military. Others might aim to maintain the status quo, accommodating some of the other party’s demands while building an equal relationship. The various regional nations drawn into the alliance would likely be negotiating with their assigned countries.

Levaze’s counterpart was Aurila. And the king merely sought to brush things aside. Since he was asked for a princess consort, he sent an unwanted pawn without considering whether it aligned with the other party’s intentions. He was underestimating them. Or perhaps he was simply not thinking at all.

“So? What do you plan to do?”
“You don’t need to know.”

She couldn’t help but speak up.

“No, no, there is a need. If you think there’s no need, then why go out of your way to tell me such things?”

Cyril opened his mouth, closed it, and then opened it again.

“…To make you understand your position.”
“Is that so? Then you should also tell me what you plan to do next. This is about what will happen to me, after all, isn’t it?”

After a moment of contemplation, he began to speak slowly. She had expected to be ignored, so this was surprising.

“Levaze will be regarded as having failed to meet our demands. In other words, they have rejected a friendly relationship.”
“Uh-huh.”
“We will make this known to the entire alliance.”
“I see, I see.”

She had to hide her entire face behind her fan now. The momentum of this alliance, and by extension, this regional nation, was unstoppable. They would likely continue to aim for gradual territorial expansion. If that were the case, Levaze, just one nation away from the alliance, would become a prime target for invasion.

First would come economic sanctions. Levaze had little flat land, and while the entire country boasted strength as a fortress, its food self-sufficiency rate was low. If they were cut off from food imports, it would be a significant blow. Moreover, mining was already on the decline, and it was a time when they needed to explore new avenues for foreign currency acquisition. If other nations learned of Levaze’s position regarding the alliance, they might reduce their trade volumes, currying favor with larger nations.

“Do you understand what I’m saying?”

Seeing Cyril frown, she finally removed her fan and offered a vague smile.

“No, not at all.”
“I thought so…”
“If that country were to send Princess Dahlia back after all this, what would you do?”
“That seems unlikely, but of course, I would send her back. They have already turned down two chances; there won’t be a third.”
“So, what will happen to me in the end?”

She had not expected an answer, but Cyril remained expressionless as he replied,

“At least until some sort of resolution is reached, it will remain as it is.”

If that were the case…

“It will probably take two years, then. In that case, could I please have something to pass the time?”

When she said this, Cyril seemed to ponder for a moment. Then he glanced at the wall. There, lined up, were the books she had brought from her homeland. He probably thought they were merely for decoration. Of course, she couldn’t tell him that she had read them all multiple times, so she pretended not to notice and smiled.

“…I’ll think about it.”

A week later, Cyril visited again and brought her embroidery supplies.

“Embroidery… embroidery, huh? Olive, can you do it?”

She shook her head vigorously. That was indeed a skill associated with high-ranking nobles and professional women, something far removed from her as a former maid. Naturally, Wendy had never received such training, and Yukino in her previous life had no hobbies in crafts.

“You can’t do embroidery, then?”
“I can’t.”
“…How can you say that without a hint of shame? What about reciting poetry?”
“As a hobby? Huh? What’s fun about that?”

Her gaze grew colder, but she seemed to be considering other ways to pass the time, clicking her tongue in frustration. He must be a hard worker.

“What about horses?”
“Huh?”
“Can you ride a horse?”
“I can’t ride, but I’ve always wanted to!”

The unexpected suggestion made her voice crack. Horseback riding for a maximum of two years of free time—what a surprise.

It was something she had never experienced during Yukino’s time, but she had always wanted to try it. In her previous life, she had owned a cat and had a year-long pass to the zoo, so it seemed she had a fondness for animals. Since arriving here, she had not touched a single living creature. During her journey, she had been fascinated by the horses pulling the carriages, but of course, she had not been allowed to approach them.
“Then, I will train the horse you brought from your homeland. Once everything is ready, I will make the necessary arrangements.”

“Where can I ride it? Outside, right? Is it really okay to go outside?”

“Yes, it will be in a place where our guards will accompany you, and there will be specific times for it. This has been discussed for some time now. It wouldn’t be humane to keep you locked up in your room indefinitely.”

It’s amusing to hear him speak of humanity while treating me as a forced hostage, but of course, I keep my mouth shut.

“Are you looking forward to the horse?”

“Very much.”

“Then, as a trade-off, read this.”

What Cyril handed me was something akin to a children’s book. Perhaps it was something a fourth grader would read.

“Why?”

“All the books in your room are worn from being read. Therefore, you should try reading something at that level next.”

“…W-well, I can’t read something like this!”

At this point, a children’s book felt tedious, so I tried to say it cutely.

“Then no horseback riding for you.”

Well played, I thought, feeling a bit irritated. Unlike Levaze’s tutor, who had tried to force a pen into my hand, he understood the balance of carrot and stick.

“Understood… Then, I will be waiting for the preparations for the horse. And that notification doesn’t necessarily have to come from the prince, you know?”

“…What do you mean?”

“You are the second prince, right? You’re an important person, so I think it’s unnecessary for you to come running for trivial notifications.”

I kept my sarcasm about my treatment in my room to myself. Cyril, with an unreadable expression, replied, “No, the message for my bride cannot be entrusted to just anyone.”

“But you’re not going to marry me anyway.”

“Don’t be foolish. You are the bride that our country demanded and brought here. If you were to say you wouldn’t marry now, that would be an unreasonable story internationally.”

I see, that makes sense externally. Especially now, negotiations of this kind are happening from various angles. If even one country were to abandon the bride they welcomed, the vigilance from the other nation would rise, and their credibility would plummet.

Of course, this is all until Levaze’s fate is decided. If that’s the case, then for roughly two years, this prince will simply waste time being engaged, unable to seek other fiancées, waiting for the relationship to dissolve.

“If only Sister Daria had come from the start…”

That was the honest thought that slipped from my lips. If that had happened, I wouldn’t have had to plan for troublesome sanctions, I would have been satisfied, and Cyril would have welcomed an excellent wife, and everything would have settled nicely. No, even then, Daria’s sacrifice might have been necessary.

“It must be tough for you, Cyril. Did the king tell you to marry the Cursed Child? Are you not being treated well?”

“This is not about being cute or not. I was the only one suitable at the time. My father, mother, and brother all cried and apologized!”

What a bunch of close-knit family members. I regretted feeling sympathy.

“Please take care of the horse.”

At my insistence, he clicked his tongue in response.


In just five days, I was given a refined riding outfit and led through the Back Garden to the stables. A capable nation indeed; the process leading up to the decision was swift. I found myself appreciating this country for not wasting time.

“This is… a horse.”

It was my first time touching a horse, even including my previous life. It felt harder than I expected but warm. Perhaps due to the long journey from my homeland, it looked a bit dirty from afar on the last day. However, now it shone bright white. It seemed to have been cleaned up nicely.

“It was originally trained as a riding horse. It seems it was also used to pull a carriage.”

It must have been meant for someone, perhaps a sibling or the king. Suddenly, it became a tool for my marriage. A white horse is rare, so it must have been seen as appealing when gathered.

“Does it have a name?”

“I don’t know.”

“Then you should name it; it’s your horse.”

“Wow, then since it’s white, how about ‘Prince’?”

“That… is absolutely out of the question. Are you mocking me?”

“But a white horse is what a prince rides, isn’t it? Well then… let’s go with Efona.”

I was lifted onto the horse by a well-built man, who was either a knight or a soldier, supporting me from behind. The prince watched with his arms crossed, looking quite proud.

The view was higher than I imagined, and as the horse trotted along, I felt the gentle breeze, which was delightful. However, the man behind me kept instructing me to tighten my knees and not to pull on the reins too hard, causing my upper body to sway, which made me a bit dizzy.

“Ugh…”

Thus, it ended rather quickly.

Well, it’s not just today; there’s still plenty of time. I can take it slow from tomorrow.


However, the next day, I found myself unable to get out of bed. Cyril, with a stiff expression, barged into my room while I was still in my nightclothes.

“This was your wish! So I arranged for both the horse and the people! And you got bored after just one day!?”

“Please don’t shout.”

“And don’t enter a woman’s room without knocking! And I’m not bored; who said that?”

“Your message that you wouldn’t come today after yesterday means you must be bored! There’s no other explanation!”

“What? That’s just your assumption. How can you yell over something like that?”

“Is it just an assumption? Then you must have a valid reason.”

“Of course I do. Can’t you see?”

“See what!?”

“I have muscle soreness! I look fine, but I can’t get up! You should be able to figure that out!”

“Muscle soreness?” Cyril muttered. His reaction was one of vague familiarity, as if he had heard of it but didn’t quite understand. In a country where everyone except the queen seemed to be made of muscle, that might be the case.

As we fell silent, a voice came from the door.

“Um…”

“What is it, Olive?”

“It’s time for exercise in the Back Garden, so the knight has come to escort you. Should I send him away?”

“No, let him in.”

“Are you not suffering from muscle soreness?”

“I need sunlight. I’ll be fine since I’ll be carried.”

“That’s out of the question! Are you an idiot!?”

“Why not?”

“In your nightclothes? An engaged bride-to-be being carried by a knight? That’s unthinkable!”

Apparently, it was unthinkable.

“I’ll change, of course. Right, Your Highness?”

“Yes, Olive, that’s it. Of course, that’s the way it should be. Then it’s fine, right?”

I pushed Cyril out, who fell silent, and changed with Olive’s help. My knees felt wobbly. My thighs and calves were in so much pain that I couldn’t support my body. As I staggered out of the bedroom, the knight who had been waiting took my hand.

“What is that… Is it really just muscle soreness?”

“Prince, you’re still here? I’ve spent 16 years hardly moving, so I’d rather be praised for being able to walk. Knight, please carry me to the Back Garden. I can’t move anyway, so just drop me off somewhere and come back in 30 minutes.”

The knight nodded and instead of a piggyback, he carried me in a princess carry. I had never experienced that even in my previous life. Horseback riding and reincarnation weren’t so bad after all.

“This is amazing; this is what a princess carry feels like. It’s my first time, and it’s like this.”

He carried me to the Back Garden, but he didn’t just leave me there. I was seated on a soft mat that Olive had laid out, with a cushion placed behind me, basking in the dappled sunlight. My limbs ached terribly. Yet, it wasn’t so bad. It somehow made me feel the boundary between my body and the world. Only the pain seemed to remind me that I existed here and now.


Still, it wouldn’t do to remain like this forever. Starting the next day, I began a routine of stretching and building my strength in my room and the Back Garden. In my previous life, I had been inspired by the women at work and had gone to the gym, so I knew the basic movements. It took a month of yoga and radio calisthenics to eliminate the muscle soreness. Gradually, I began horseback riding and simultaneously started boxing exercises in the Back Garden. The intensity of the workouts was vastly different, and since I was using different muscles, I ended up with muscle soreness again.

When I could manage to move for 30 minutes instead of just 10, over six months had already passed.

Cyril always accompanied me during horseback riding. Moreover, he began to occasionally show up during my exercises in the Back Garden. He grimaced at the yoga poses, and when I requested a yoga mat, he provided something similar. He grimaced even more at the boxing movements, but when I asked for a large mirror, he set one up in the Back Garden. All in all, he was a decent guy.

So, as a return favor, I gradually shared information about Levaze during the time we spent together.
Amidst casual conversation, I casually spilled the names and titles of the dignitaries, the flow of decision-making, and even the intricate relationships within the Royal Palace, including those of the prince and princess. I thought it might be a bit too obvious to discuss the very structure of the palace itself, so I also mentioned the dishes that frequently graced the dining table. From the ingredients, one could easily identify the suppliers. There was much to glean from such details.

One day, as I was lost in these thoughts, Cyril spoke to me with a hint of irritation.

“I’m going on an inspection. The king has commanded that you accompany me.”

“Am I allowed to go outside the castle?”

“Yes. However, do not speak unnecessarily. Even if you pretend to be a lady, your facade will crumble. Just smile and remain silent, except for greetings.”

I couldn’t help but snort at his words. They echoed the very sentiments expressed by King Levaze in a letter he had sent. People like them, who were oblivious to the pain of others, could easily utter such things. For the first time in a while, memories of my feelings toward my father and siblings resurfaced in my mind.

Looking at Cyril, I replied, “Fine, I’m quite good at that.”

Without the fan to hide my irritation, I deliberately smiled.

Yet, just a little, a faint pang of disappointment stirred deep within my chest.