Episode 4: I Made the Marquis Weak in the Knees.
As usual, I was sleeping together with Ati in her room.
A slight commotion entered my dozing ears.
I quietly slipped out of bed, careful not to wake Ati.
Closing the door of the room without a sound, I strode towards the center of the disturbance.
At the destination was the master of this house—Marquis Karamanlis.
He was accompanied by a butler holding a coat, and was about to head to his study.
“Welcome back, Marquis-sama.”
I called out from the top of the stairs, holding the front of my gown with both hands.
The Marquis stopped dead in his tracks.
He looked up at me with a slow movement, muttered “Ah,” and immediately averted his gaze.
He tried to leave the place quickly, so I said,
“There’s something I’d like to talk about. Could I have some of your time?”
I asked, hurrying a little.
“I’m going to rest for today.”
The Marquis spat out curtly, without looking at me.
But, I won’t let him escape here!
“I really want to talk today. About… our marital affairs.”
I stopped with a flourish, put my right hand to my mouth, hugged my waist with my left hand, and looked away.
I didn’t miss the faces of the butler and other housefolk saying, “Ah, I see.” And I kept a little distance from the Marquis.
As expected, the housefolk of the Karamanlis Marquis household are perceptive.
“I’ll be going ahead…”
I lowered my voice slightly and said only that, then deliberately made pattering footsteps and left the place.
Yosh. If I act this deliberately, the people around will think it’s a nighttime invitation. Unless he has really bad taste, he shouldn’t even approach the room.
After confirming that the housefolk were out of sight, I stopped the deliberate way of walking and headed to the marital bedroom with my usual large strides.
“What do you intend?”
The Marquis’s voice, as he entered the room, was subdued but stern.
He glanced bitterly at me, sitting on the bed with my legs crossed, then quickly averted his gaze.
Does he not want to look at me that much?
Well, it can’t be helped. It’s a physical reaction if he can’t stand me.
That’s fine.
I don’t care about that.
That’s not what I wanted to talk about.
“Why don’t you interact with Ati?”
I asked, just as sullenly as the Marquis.
If you’re busy, even a word is fine.
I want you to call out to her.
Maybe words aren’t even necessary.
Just stroking her head is fine.
I want you to show that you properly recognize Ati’s existence.
Right now, it’s as if Ati doesn’t exist here.
You can’t foster a healthy mind like this.
Having your existence acknowledged by your family is absolutely essential for fostering a healthy mind.
Children develop social skills from the smallest unit of group, the family.
“…I’m doing what’s necessary.”
“Doing what’s necessary?”
I couldn’t help but get irritated at the Marquis’s words, but I have to endure it here. Endure it, me. Compared to what I want to talk about, that’s trivial.
“It’s not enough.”
I replied sharply, but he remained silent.
He loosened his tie and unbuttoned his shirt. He threw his jacket on the nearby desk.
Then he was frustrated when he couldn’t unfasten the cuffs of his sleeves.
“I’ve provided a tutor and a nanny. That should be enough.”
“It’s not enough.”
“What is it?”
“Affection.”
The moment I said those words, he glared at me with a clear look of anger on his face.
However, he is an adult too.
He swallowed something down, exhaled thinly, and then,
“…I love Ati.”
He muttered quietly.
“I know.”
Yes, I understand.
He loves Ati.
He doesn’t treat Ati badly or cruelly.
“But that’s not being conveyed to Ati. Young children don’t understand unless you show them affection in an easy-to-understand way.”
Hugging, stroking her head, calling out to her, making eye contact—through these, children understand that ‘their existence is acknowledged’ and ‘they are loved.’
No matter how much you improve the environment around her, she won’t notice it until much later—when she’s an adult. That would be too late.
He says nothing.
He makes a bitter face, but still looks slightly to the side of me. He doesn’t want to look directly at me.
But I’m grateful just that he’s facing me. It means he’s willing to listen.
“…Perhaps, it’s still painful for you to do that.
However, while you’re doing that, Ati will become an adult. A child’s growth doesn’t wait.
Once she becomes an adult, it will be too late.”
I stood up and faced the Marquis head-on.
I stated that clearly.
“Knowing things…!”
The Marquis gnashed his teeth, pushed my shoulder.
My body, thrown backwards, bounced once on the bed. Without a moment’s pause, the Marquis loomed over me.
The Marquis’s fist slammed into the bed right next to my face.
He wanted to hit me.
I’m grateful that he endured it. I said it prepared to be hit.
But I’m not a woman who will be silenced by something like that.
“You mustn’t run away. You can run away from anything else. But not this.
You mustn’t run away from Ati.”
The Marquis raised his arm again.
I gritted my teeth, thinking I was going to be hit, but the fist didn’t come.
The Marquis clenched his hand tightly, making it tremble.
“…I can’t…”
The Marquis’s voice, as if squeezing it out.
That voice sounded really, really painful.
I put my hand on his cheek.
I thought he was very pitiful, trembling with fear rather than anger.
“…I found a photograph.”
I took a piece of paper out of my gown pocket.
It was something that had slipped out of a book in the library the other day.
“It was in the back of the library—in a children’s book that no housefolk would pick up, one that Ati is too young for.
The book had been read many times, so it must be a book of memories for you, Marquis-sama.”
After glancing at the paper—the photograph—I handed it to the Marquis.
The Marquis, who had moved away from me, took the photograph with trembling hands and lowered his gaze.
Then, he began to shed large tears.
“The person in the picture is the previous Madam—Ati’s mother, isn’t it? …She looks just like Ati.”
He knelt down on the floor, clutching the photograph—which showed a beautiful woman who looked just like Ati and a baby in her arms—with both hands, and broke down in tears.
“You really loved Madam. That’s why it was painful to lose her, and seeing Ati, who looks more and more like Madam every day—it must have been very painful.”
I gently stroked his head as he crouched on the floor.
I lost my brother too.
My twin brother.
My other half.
When my brother died, I felt a pain in my heart as if my body had been split in two.
For a while, I was tormented by a sense of loss, as if half of my body had disappeared.
That’s why, when I see my brother’s face, which looks more and more like my brother’s every day, there are times when I remember my brother and it’s painful.
–But.
“That’s no reason to abandon Ati.”
I grabbed the Marquis’s hair that I had been stroking.
Then, I forced him to raise his face.
I brought my face closer to the face of the middle-aged man, which was covered in tears and snot.
“The fact that she died doesn’t change.
But I’m not saying, ‘She’s dead, so forget about her.’ There’s no need to forget. It’s impossible. That’s why you should cry and scream and throw a tantrum, mourn her death from the bottom of your heart, accept it, and finally move on.
You have Ati left behind.”
The Marquis’s face was wide-eyed in surprise.
I grabbed his chin, including his beard, which had become sticky.
“Do you think the woman who was your wife wants you to be wallowing in self-pity and crying about her death forever?”
The Marquis didn’t move, still stunned.
Since there’s no helping it, I pressed on further.
“Didn’t Ati’s mother love Ati?”
The moment I said that, his chin shook slightly from side to side.
“Right? She loved Ati. She must have wanted her to be happy.
So, how is it? Do you think Ati is happy now?”
After a short pause, his chin shook from side to side again.
“Then, there’s only one thing you have to do. You have to do for Ati what your beloved wife wanted to do but couldn’t.
Hug her, stroke her gently, call out to her, look into her eyes—call her name.”
I let go of the Marquis. The tension was gone.
Ah, my hands… my hands…
I wiped my hands on the hem of my gown until my skin was sore.
The Marquis looked up at me with a blank face.
“Do you understand?”
When I asked that to confirm, the Marquis nodded once.
“Yosh. Good boy.”
I was satisfied and left the spot.
Alright! This should be fine now! If it’s not, I’ll just make him cry again.
Now I can wholeheartedly suck Ati’s scalp!!
With a refreshed feeling, I skipped to Ati’s bedroom.