Chapter 12: Hidden Feelings
《Side: Fina》
I was hired as Lord Serios’s Personal Maid when I was young. At first, I thought it was only natural and didn’t question it at all.
However, after Lord Serios’s parents passed away, Lord Serios fell into a terrible state and began to treat everyone coldly.
I, too, was struck by him several times. But, since it was a child’s strength, I wasn’t seriously injured. However, I became frightened of Lord Serios, and before I knew it, I started trembling every time he spoke to me.
As Lord Serios grew older, new Maids named Liese and Maria were welcomed. It was from then on.
That Lord Serios began to change; he gradually became kinder, buying me clothes, giving me holidays, and showing me concern.
At the same time, the emotions he had previously directed only towards me began to be directed towards others, and perhaps I started to feel a sense of loneliness.
The current Lord Serios has grown into a handsome figure with silver hair and eyes, and has developed a strong yet supple, masculine physique.
And now, within the mansion where preparations for battle are complete, I stand alone in a corner of the hallway, gazing at Lord Serios’s back.
This is not the first time Lord Serios has headed to the battlefield.
To protect the peace of the domain, I have seen Lord Serios off many times as he stood on the front lines, wielding his Sword himself. Yet, today again, a quiet anxiety swirls deep within my chest.
“…Why do I feel so worried?”
My murmured voice reaches no one. That is fine. No one must know that I am worried about Lord Serios.
Lord Serios is not the man he once was. He is no longer a child with coldness and arrogant tantrums; now, he protects the domain as a respectable ruler.
His efforts are acknowledged by everyone; the people of the domain place their trust in Lord Serios, and the members of the Knights Order and the guards have come to take pride in operating under his command.
Even so, I know.
The loneliness and heavy responsibilities Lord Serios bears… The anguish and conflict he never shows on the surface. Having served Lord Serios since he was a child, I can understand the meaning behind the slight changes in his expression and his sighs.
Lord Serios is, at times, more fragile and precarious than anyone.
“Fina, what are you doing?”
Startled by the voice, I looked up to find Lord Serios standing before me.
His tall, lean physique, his serious eyes, and the Sword slung across his back. He was the very image of a man before heading into battle—gallant, yet it made my chest tighten.
“Lord Serios, is there anything I can assist you with?”
As a Maid, I speak words befitting my position. Because I have no right to convey any other words.
“No, it’s fine. The rest is something I must do myself.”
Lord Serios said so and was about to walk away, but he suddenly stopped and turned back.
“…Fina, you’re always so calm. You don’t even flinch when I go off to battle.”
“That is not the case. I simply believe that Lord Serios will return safely.”
I strive to maintain my composure. But when his gaze meets mine directly, I feel my heart thrown into disarray.
“I see. I’m always grateful.”
“You are too kind.”
“…I will definitely return, so wait for me without worry.”
Those words make my heart pound. But if I let it show on my face, my feelings might overflow.
“Yes. I pray for your good fortune in battle.”
I bow deeply. That was all I could do.
I watch Lord Serios’s back as it recedes into the distance.
His figure was that of a respectable lord heading to battle to protect his domain, a calm and strong man. But to me, he is also an irreplaceable person who has grown up before my very eyes since childhood.
His tantrums, his Kindness, his strength, his loneliness, his fleetingness—I have seen it all.
I fondly remember when he was still a little boy, how he would laugh innocently and occasionally trouble me with his selfishness. But as he grew, he stopped smiling, always remaining calm and maintaining an air of aloofness.
“I loved the Lord Serios from back then. But… I hold the current Lord Serios just as dearly. I wish you would vent your emotions only to me.”
I shook my head as if to shake off those thoughts.
I almost forgot my place. I am a Maid, and nothing more than one of his attendants. I never had the right to convey feelings I developed on my own.
That night, while waiting for news from the battlefield, I prayed alone.
I hear this time it’s a large-scale bandit subjugation.
For him to return safely. That alone. Eventually, the sound of horse hooves echoed from afar, and when I was informed that Lord Serios had returned, it felt as if all strength drained from my body.
Seeing his figure standing at the mansion’s entrance, I gently placed a hand on my chest.
“Thank goodness…”
I murmured so only in my heart. Then, as a Maid welcoming his return, I put on my usual smile and said:
“Welcome back, Lord Serios. You must be tired.”
He looked at me and smiled faintly.
“I’m back, Fina.”
That smile tightened my chest again, just for a moment. Even so, as just a Maid, I rejoice in his safety from the bottom of my heart, while tucking my own feelings deep inside.