Chapter 14: Unconcealable Emotions
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The day Lord Serios, my master, was to depart for the academy, after having subjugated a large bandit gang, was finally drawing near.
The mansion was enveloped in a somewhat restless atmosphere.
While watching Liese and Faina-san making final checks on the luggage beside Lord Serios, I couldn’t suppress the emotions welling up from deep within my heart.
“I’m envious…”
I felt a little ashamed of myself for murmuring that. But I couldn’t completely deny that feeling.
Liese is my precious daughter.
Since Lord Serios saved our lives, my daughter and I have been allowed to live in the mansion, and Liese has grown so beautifully that her previous emaciated figure seems like a lie.
Now, I often see her laughing beside Lord Serios, which makes me happy, but also jealous.
Faina-san, too, is a Maid who has supported Lord Serios more devotedly than anyone else in the mansion, and she accepted us and treated us very well.
The two young women are smiling by Lord Serios’s side.
Their position, and their feelings, I understand them well.
But when it was decided that they would go to the academy with Lord Serios, I felt as if a gaping hole had opened up in my heart.
They are my daughter and a trusted Maid.
As figures who support Lord Serios, the two of them can walk together into new days.
On the other hand, I can only remain at the mansion and wait for Lord Serios’s return.
“…What exactly am I seeking?”
Such a question crossed my mind.
At first, I wanted to fill Lord Serios’s loneliness.
As a mother, I wanted to support Lord Serios’s happiness.
I had wished for that. However, as I watched the now strong and dependable Lord Serios, a feeling greater than that was swelling deep within my chest, and I could no longer hide it.
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After dinner, as I was walking down the quiet corridors of the mansion, I saw light leaking from Lord Serios’s room.
Lord Serios wasn’t asleep yet. Muffling my footsteps, I stood before the door, and before I knew it, I was knocking.
“Come in.”
Hearing his voice, I opened the door, and Lord Serios, though facing his desk, turned his gaze towards me.
The soft light of the lamp gently illuminated Lord Serios.
“Maria-san? What brings you here at this late hour?”
His question made my heart pound a little. I hesitated on how to begin, but I couldn’t turn back now.
“Lord Serios… may I speak with you for a moment?”
“Of course.”
Lord Serios gathered his documents and pulled out a chair, gesturing for me to sit.
I sat down across from him, organizing my thoughts.
“You’re going to the academy with Liese and Faina-san, aren’t you…”
“Ah, they are close in age, so I thought it would be good for them to study at the academy. I have high hopes for them.”
Seeing Lord Serios smile, my heart ached just a little. It’s wonderful that his future is bright, so why does my chest feel so tight?
“…I’m a little envious, you know.”
“Envious?”
At Lord Serios’s reaction, his eyebrows raised in surprise, I couldn’t help but smile.
“Yes. Both Liese and Faina-san will be able to spend time with Lord Serios in a new place. Being able to share that time… I think it’s a very wonderful thing.”
Lord Serios listened to my words in silence. His Kindness filled my chest, and words flowed out naturally.
“I can only wait here. Of course, I understand that is my role. But… at some point, while saying I would let Lord Serios Amae, I was the one who was seeking Amae from Lord Serios.”
I confessed the feelings in my heart as if speaking to Lord Serios’s kind eyes.
“…Just for tonight, would you allow me to sleep with you, Lord Serios? I am an older woman, after all. Please think of me as a mother.”
“I cannot do that.”
“Eh? It’s disgusting, isn’t it?”
That’s right. What am I saying? A woman like me shouldn’t be allowed to Amae on a young man like Lord Serios.
“May I be honest with you?”
“Eh?”
“Maria-san, you are attractive as a woman, so if we were to get into the same futon, I wouldn’t be able to hold myself back.”
“…”
For a moment, I couldn’t understand what he had said.
Me, attractive as a woman? An older woman like me? He wouldn’t be able to hold back if we slept together? As I began to understand his words, I felt my face grow hot.
Not even my husband ever said such words to me.
Above all, my husband passed away soon after Liese was born. For over ten years, I haven’t allowed any man to touch my body.
Though I am no maiden, my heart grew warm, and I felt very happy.
“I don’t intend to say anything childish. It’s just that I, too… want to feel Lord Serios’s Warmth. Could you give me just one memory?”
Feeling my face flush red, I still looked at Lord Serios without averting my gaze.
When he understood my meaning, a few seconds of silence passed. After that, Lord Serios let out a small sigh and smiled gently.
“…I understand, Maria-san. Just for tonight. Will you be my first partner?”
At those words, my chest grew warm.
Before being a mother who had given birth to a daughter, I am a woman. Lord Serios saved my life and supported my livelihood, and then, while trying to become like a mother to him, I must have fallen in love.
That night, I fell asleep together with Lord Serios in his bed.
“Excuse me, Lord Serios.”
I sat down beside him and pulled the covers over myself. Just by being next to Lord Serios, my heart felt strangely fulfilled.
“Maria.”
“…Lord Serios.”
Using the arm of Lord Serios, who had grown so big and splendid, as a pillow, I closed my eyes.
“Maria, too, should be allowed to Amae a little.”
Those words seeped into my heart. The anxiety and loneliness I had been holding onto seemed to melt away with Lord Serios’s single phrase.
“…Thank you, Lord Serios.”
I gently closed my eyes, feeling an unparalleled sense of peace beside Lord Serios.
When I woke up the next morning, I realized anew just how special the time I could spend beside him was, and I got out of bed before Lord Serios woke up.
This memory, even after Lord Serios has gone to the academy, will surely support me.
“Please, stay safe, Lord Serios. And please, love many people.”
Praying so in my heart, I began the morning preparations to send Lord Serios off.