Episode 53: I Have No Heart.
《Kyl’s Side》
From the moment I was born, I held no emotions whatsoever towards this world.
I never even considered being loved. I don’t even understand if being needed is such an important thing. I just move as ordered, and kill as told.
That alone is how each day passes. Those who think unnecessary thoughts are the first to die.
That is the “world.”
The first time I killed someone, I was seven years old.
It was someone I trained with in the same guild.
During training, we were told to kill each other. I was simply told to “kill,” so I killed. That’s all there was to it.
The moment I slit their throat, warm blood wet my hands.
Even seeing that, I felt nothing. No, perhaps I was trying not to feel anything. The only thing that mattered was “surviving.”
Those who have emotions are soft. Soft ones are weak. Weak ones die. It’s as simple as that.
“You’re broken, aren’t you? I’m your big sister. Let’s live together from now on.”
Without really understanding, I met Emma, who called herself my sister, and we started acting together.
I kill people as I’m told.
By the time I turned fifteen, I was perfectly fulfilling my role as a Tool. I had no hesitation or regret in killing. Efficiently disposing of the person in front of me—that was everything.
The weak die.
That’s why I, having sustained Wounds, will die.
I fled deep into the Forest, but no matter how much I ran, my vision grew hazy. I’m going to die. I realized this was the end.
No matter how calm I pretended to be, what surfaced the moment my consciousness faded was “nothingness.”
Just then, I heard a voice.
“Are you alright?”
It was a soft, surprisingly kind voice.
When I opened my eyes, a girl with chestnut hair stood there. There was no trace of fear in her eyes; she just seemed purely worried.
“…”
My body wouldn’t obey due to the pain of my Wounds and the fever. Seeing me like that, she helped me. She had no suspicion, no calculation. There was only the desire to help “someone” who was there.
For several days, she took care of me. She brought me to an Abandoned House to hide, carried food, and healed my Wounds.
“Liese, why are you helping me?”
I didn’t understand her, so I decided to ask.
“Because I thought that’s what Master would do.”
“…Master?”
“Yes. My Master is a truly wonderful person! He saved me when I was unsightly and filthy, and gave me studies and work as a Maid!”
Hearing Liese speak so happily about her Master, a murky feeling stirred in my chest.
A complex emotion welled up, as if the Kindness that had been directed only at me until now had suddenly been snatched away.
“Do you like your Master?”
“Eh!! Y-Yes!”
“I see…”
The moment she affirmed that she liked him, I felt as if that murky feeling had transformed into something dark and sinister.
A few days after that, my Wounds healed completely, and I decided to leave Liese.
“…I’m going back to work.”
“Are you sure you’re alright?”
“Yeah. I understand now, so I won’t make the same mistake.”
“It must be an important job for you, then.”
When she asked, I just shook my head a little.
“It’s for my sister’s sake.”
“Your sister? Fufu, you two siblings must be close.”
“Yeah.”
I lied. I couldn’t care less about Emma. But I wanted that dark, murky feeling to disappear as quickly as possible.
“Thank you, Liese-san. I will never forget your Kindness.”
Tears welled up in Liese’s eyes at my words.
“Take care, Kyl. I’d be happy if we could meet again somewhere.”
After parting with Liese, it felt as if a gaping hole had opened up in my heart.
I returned to the Hideout and gave Emma the information I’d obtained from the Dukedom.
“You’re late, aren’t you?”
“I messed up along the way. But I got the information.”
“I see. Then, it’s on to the next job. This time, go to the Royal Capital and investigate the truth behind this incident. Why did the Margrave order an investigation into something like this? And why was Lady Claris given a Disinheritance? Knowing these things should get us even more gold.”
Emma is what you’d call a miser.
She’s greedy for gold.
However, I follow her because I believe her knowledge and cunning make her a person worthy of respect.
I have nowhere else to go.
Suddenly, Liese’s face came to mind.
“What’s wrong? Your answer?”
“Understood.”
“Good boy. Are you eating properly? I gave you funds, didn’t I?”
“Yeah.”
“Then, make sure you eat. You look pale.”
For a while, I had only been eating the meals Liese brought me.
It’s true, I’m lacking blood.
“Understood.”
“Hey, Kyl. Let’s keep this kind of work moderate, and once we’ve saved up a certain amount of gold, let’s go somewhere else and live quietly. This current job will bring in a considerable amount, since we can get gold from the Duke and the Margrave.”
Emma always says she wants to go somewhere with me and live quietly.
Even if I, who has done nothing but kill since childhood, were to go somewhere, the only thing I can do is kill…
“I’ll help you regain even a little bit of a human heart.”
“A human heart?”
“That’s right. So you can fall in love with someone, laugh normally, and do many such things!”
I don’t understand Emma’s words.
But, if Liese were to smile for me, just imagining it made my chest feel a little warm.
“Now, do your best on your way to the Royal Capital.”
“Yeah.”
I dashed out of the Hideout.
I don’t care about Emma. But, if only I could go somewhere far away with Liese…